“I Love My Baby, But I Wish He Would Stop Saying, ‘This Human Form Is Limiting'” →


Lauren Schwein on Runt:

Once, I woke up in the middle of the night and decided to check on him. He was sitting up in his crib muttering in a language I couldn’t understand (thanks to eight years of Catholic school, I was able to make out a few words in Latin). Then, when he caught me watching him he exclaimed, “Human mother, I am glad you are here, I need milk from your breasts.”

A second-generation American from a macho culture struggles with what it means to be a man. →

“Discovering Manhood in Soapy Bubbles,” by Nat Martins at The New York Times:

“It wasn’t until I started doing dishes that I realized men in my family don’t do dishes.

“At parties, I rarely saw Martins men helping out in the kitchen. Instead, our grandmothers, aunts and female cousins (all Portuguese and Argentine immigrants) would cook and serve the meal, and afterward the men would stack their plates near the sink like a Jenga tower before returning to the table, where they would finish their wine and pick their teeth as the women cleaned up.”

“I Tried Soylent. It Didn’t Go Well.” →

I laughed so hard at this I nearly shit myself, which is ironic.

Geraldine DeRuiter, writing at The Everywhereist:

For those unfamiliar with this “food” product, Soylent is a high-protein drink designed to appeal to lifehackers, dieters, and doomsday cult members who are maybe a little shy and don’t want to come out of their bunker for communal meals. It has an incredibly long shelf-life, and provides you nutrition without all the pesky side-effects that food usually has, like chewing, tasting like something, and being an excuse for human interaction.

As a bonus, it also apparently gives you raging diarrhea, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Because I’m a blogger, and continually told that my life has relatively little value, my body becomes fair game for “creating content”. In the past I’ve tried Paleoquit sugar for a month, and engaged in a series of workouts designed for double-jointed 19-year-olds who were probably genetically engineered in a lab inside Lululemon’s headquarters.

The point is, since I’m a woman who writes things on the internet, I’m continually told by trolls to “Drink bleach and die.” So I thought, Why don’t I drink something that is marginally__ better than bleach and instead of dying, I’ll write about it? Thanks for the idea, trolls! I hope you take a moment from your non-stop rage masturbation to reflect on how much I appreciate you.

SO … WHAT IS IT, ANYWAY?

It’s a drinkable meal replacement created by computer developers with absolutely zero background in nutrition or culinary sciences. According to the company’s own website, this was the moment of inspiration that led the founders to create Soylent:

Living off a diet of frozen corn dogs and ramen, they grew frustrated with the effort and cost associated with purchasing, preparing, and consuming food that was neither healthy nor enjoyable.

Now, you can understand why I was slightly concerned about ingesting something developed by guys who felt that the prep work for corn dogs and ramen was too much for them. Also, please explain to me how much time and effort is possibly spent purchasing those food items. You can literally buy them at a gas station.

So funny.

I like Soylent as an occasional thing. I do not suffer any of the *koff* “discomfort” that The Everywhereist experiences.