Billionaire Larry Ellison bought the Hawaiian island of Lanai yesterday. Here’s what we got:
New reclining chairs. We got the old reclining sofa something like 12 years ago, and over time it has gotten uglier and uglier and more and more uncomfortable. The reclining mechanism broke on my side, and we had it repaired. This involved stripping all the upholstery off my half of it and leaving it occupying the living room for weeks like the Terminator’s skeleton.
Then a few months ago the mechanism on my side broke again, and I’ve been sitting without reclining, which is suffering exactly comparable to what my grandparents went through when they immigrated to America in steerage.
In the past couple of weeks the couch has gone from uncomfortable to downright painful to sit in. And it’s still ugly. We had pillows piled up to attempt to compensate for its comfort shortcomings, and duck tape holding the upholstery together. It’s like a torture device designed by drunk fratboys.
We couldn’t find a sofa we liked, so instead we got separate chairs. We agreed instantly that we did not want the kind with the motor-driven reclining mechanism, because (a) one more thing to break and (b) it’s a step too far down the road to becoming Wall-E people.
And now the chairs are here and they look good, and they’re filling the front of the house with new-leather smell. I can’t wait to get crumbs all over mine.
A new wallet. This isn’t a we-got, it’s an I-got. This is my third wallet from All-Ett They make a very slim wallet.
When I got my previous wallet from them I opened the envelope and said to myself, “Oh, crap, I got the wrong one.” I wanted their original, larger-size wallet, but instead I got the ultra-tiny model. I can’t remember why I kept that wallet – I think I talked myself into thinking it was better than the one I ordered, because that seemed like a better idea than exchanging the wallet for the one I actually wanted.
The other day, I said, “I’ve been carrying around this stupid wallet for 10 years. Time to just get the wallet I wanted in the first place.”
The primary difference between the two wallets is that the new wallet has an extra pocket to hold receipts and such.
Unfortunately, the new wallet arrived empty, which is a problem on account of buying those new chairs.